Halt Dich an Mir Fest (Hold on to me tightly)
by FyNghariad
Summary: My take post-Threads (s8e18). The title of the story (song by Revolverheld), and subsequent titles are love songs or lines from love songs I have listened to while writing (German, English and Welsh - see chapter notes). In rewatching the series, I couldn't stop thinking of this and, after playing with it for a month, here it is. Unbeta'd.
1. Ich bin verloren in deiner Mitte

**Author Note:** Hello! I'm fynghariad and this is my first ever Stargate: SG1 fic.

I have been a very dedicated and loyal fan since the age of six (which, terrifyingly is eighteen years ago) when I watched Children of the Gods on my Dad's lap before bed. I have loved science fiction for twenty years, having been obsessed with Star Trek: Next Generation (Sir Patrick Stewart, you sexy mofo) and SG1 just ticked every box. I loved this show completely and utterly before I really understood it. This is, without a doubt, my favourite show in the whole world. I used to watch it religiously and every episode always felt exciting, and even now I still feel scared, excited, nervous or annoyed alongside the characters, even though I know what is coming. I remember running to watch it in my Dad's room on his second sky box when I was at college and it was on Sky One cause he never saw the point in rewatching them, and I'd record them for when I got home if I was out, and I have been doing just that with Netflix over the past year (over and over - I think I've done it twice now) and am currently introducing my fiancee into my world. I am completely, utterly lost in all that is SG1. And I _love_ it.

I couldn't stop thinking about what happened after Threads the first time I rewatched it last year, and I know it has been pondered over by us shippers for years, but I'd like to add my take.

All and any criticisms are very welcome. This has been written for about a month and a half and I keep changing the odd word here and there, and I just want it gone now.

Please, enjoy. And lemme know what you think? There is a little more already written at the moment, and I kind of feel that there is more to come.

Song - Ja (Yes) by Silbermond - _Ich bin verloren in deiner Mitte - I am lost in the midst of you_

* * *

Sam sighed and sat back in her chair, scanning over the computer screen at the notes she had just typed. As she read, her fingers reached for her coffee and she took a sip, letting a small ironic smile to slip on her lips; the weight in her chest was still heavily leaning on her heart, but throwing herself into work slowly gave her it that tiny bit of strength to support itself.

She would never have a life that wasn't this place, she scoffed softly to herself.

Technically she should be at home as she still had a week of compassionate leave, but she felt that there was no reason not to be here, especially as there was plenty to do. Her desk, which was never anything but covered in paper and artifacts at the best of times, was currently overflowing. There hadn't been much time for her to catch up on paperwork before now.

The last week had been a blur; the unease at there still being no communication from Daniel and the entire missing Gou'ald situation, introducing Pete to her Dad, getting a house, embarrassing herself in front of a CIA agent and her CO, losing her Dad, ending her relationship with Pete, telling Mark both things, almost dying because wait, Anubis!, getting Daniel back, her Dad's funeral... it all seemed to mesh together and she didn't quite know how she should feel.

So she did the only thing she could think of to make it all go away and didn't leave the mountain and threw herself into reports and equations and the ever present threat of electrical burns.

She carried a deep sorrow for the loss of her father and was going through the stages of grief like any other person would. Their relationship had never really recovered following the death of her mother, though no one's fault. She had remembered truly loving her father as a young girl; loving to sit on his knee whenever he was home and have him tie curls into her hair, and his stories at night, and 'best part of the day loves' with a hot chocolate as he told her about flying over oceans and cities, and then remembered them drifting apart and Sam always thought that she needed to do better just to get his attention, to prove herself to him and show him that she was a _Carter_. Since she was a young adult, she had always felt that maybe her father wished she had been a _he_ and that nothing she did would quash that disappointment. Yet, Sam had always been inspired by her father and had been proud to follow in his steps; he had always been so strong, loyal, smart and proud and the seed of exploration and knowledge had been planted by him long ago; no matter what happened, she was her father's daughter.

The past six years, since the Tok'Ra blending, Sam had been able to get to know her father. The man who had always been a stranger, but, really, was the reason for being who and everything she was. And he was just _fantastic_. For the first time ever, she knew that her father was proud of her and more than that, sometimes he was in awe of her. She had often believed that his feelings in connection to her were merely an obligation to him, however, he had made it obvious through his demeanor and actions and flat out telling her that she had always had his approval and that he had always known that she was going to be formidable and amazing, though he had admitted that he never knew how incredible she actually was and still could be until they served, fought and lived side by side. He looked at her with such pride and love, that Sam couldn't even believe she had doubted it. The word _father - dad_ \- meant more than the title. It meant everything that it had done when she was still a little girl, and even more.

And it _hurt_ that he was gone - _really gone_.

The funeral, though, had been more for Mark than for Sam. Unlike Sam, Mark didn't get a chance to say goodbye and she tried as much as she could to be there to support him through the day, knowing that Jack, Daniel, Teal'C and General Hammond would be able to handle everything and everybody else. She had approached the day and planned it with a stoic determination; nothing had been overlooked, everything went off without a hitch, and her father got a send off that he would have been embarrassed by but made everyone there know exactly how much they had lost- all Mark had to do was try and move through the day. He had taken the loss harder than she thought he would (a part of her bitterly chastised herself - father and son, after all!) and she felt guilty that she had had a whole relationship with her father that Mark never could have done; the tears she spilt as they laid the coffin in the ground (Mark would never have approved the cremation, so she had got a beautiful solid oak wood coffin and put her father's ashes inside it; it looked silly really and her father would have scolded her for wasting money) were more for the fact that Mark never knew his father, than for her own pain. He mourned his father because he was his father, but he didn't know what a good man he was, what a kind, generous and honourable man he was. And that sliced through Sam because Mark really deserved the chance to know him, too.

She had managed to keep it relatively together up until the wake at her house. Mark pulled her to one side in her kitchen and pressed the folded United States flag that had been thrust into his arms as _son_ of the deceased. His eyes red rimmed, " _I don't know why they gave me this. I don't want it and he would have wanted you to have it. You shared this with him, not me and it wouldn't be right"_ , and she let herself feel the pain of his loss as she was reminded of what they had shared. She sobbed freely into Mark's shirt as he held her close against his chest and her fingers clung to the material squashed between their bodies. By the time they had pulled away, she felt as exhausted as he looked. She had smiled weakly before pressing a kiss to his cheek in thanks.

And now, the day after the funeral, she had come back to work like nothing had happened. Almost. She had noted Jack and Daniel's surprise as she walked into the control room that morning. Daniel had told her that it didn't matter what new piece of tech had been bought back, she should be at home. With a soft smile, she stated that Mark had left that morning and she would rather be doing something than sitting in her bungalow staring at nothing. The world hadn't stopped spinning. It seemed to appease him and Daniel gave her a short hug before telling her to stop by for lunch. She stood for a moment cataloging the concern and pride etched into her CO's face, before nodding curtly, "sir", and turning to talk to Walter about the daily gate diagnostic.

Now, almost three hours later, her concentration had waivered and her mind wondered.

She had found herself at her CO's house after seeing the house that Pete had purchased for them. She really hadn't been completely aware of what she was doing when she got into the car, turned the key and put her foot on the accelerator, and that was _very_ unlike Samantha Carter. Samantha Carter planned things and thought things through and took calculated risks. She didn't jump into her car and run to her boss when things got too hard. Well, she wasn't _that_ delusional. She knew that she had run to Jack hoping that the icey hold on her heart at Pete's gift was justified.

And while seeing Ms Kerry Johnson there looking very comfortable around him and in his house wasn't exactly what she had thought she would find, it had been enough to confirm that even if _he didn't care about her more than he was supposed to_ anymore, she did. And it wasn't fair.

She was, has been and is _in_ love with Jack O'Neill. Nothing could stop that; she had almost married another man in an attempt to run away, but Jack O'Neill was **no** safe bet, and he was the only man she had ever truly wanted.

Pete was definitely safe and while she had loved him (really and truly), it had never compared to what she felt for Jack. Pete was white picket fences and beautiful gardens, a safe and long career, kids and grand-kids and big family Thanksgivings and Hallmark Christmas Cards. He was everything that she thought she _needed_. Samantha Carter had never wanted any of that if she was really honest with herself. And yes, he had made her feel special, and she wanted to skip and dance and hum because it was fun. It was fun to be the centre of someone's world but he was never the centre of hers, and when she looked closer, it wasn't _her_ that was the centre of his.

He wanted Samantha Shanahan - he wanted to mould her into his wife. Clearly, Pete didn't respect her like she did him, didn't think her job was as important as she tried to get him to believe; he certainly didn't give her the benefit of the doubt, didn't think she was as capable as he… all those misogynistic things that she had spent her life _fighting_.

It had hurt her a lot considering Pete's own history.

He had spoke of how his wife had left him because she couldn't stand not knowing when he would be home, what he would be doing, where he was… When Mark had mentioned Pete's career and he had spoken of it himself, she had hoped he would have some inkling of what to expect from sharing his life with her and when she got the chance to share it (because he wouldn't trust her and got himself hurt), she found out, very quickly, that things were not right. It wasn't right for her to be off gallivanting the universe if she was his wife; surely she'd be better suited in the labs or something, he had tried to argue before abruptly shutting his

mouth with a pop at her threatening eyes. And then he had tried it again. And again.

And the more she thought on it, the more she compared Jack and Pete. 'Cause, if there is anything that she _knew_ without question, it was that Jack respected her, trusted her and god, would never push her. She had fought and earned every bit of recognition he had given her professionally and personally, and moreover, he had always believed in her. She had lost count early on of the amount of times he had praised her work and her intellect, her courage and her skill, how many times she had looked to him for a thumbs up or an encouraging look and there was one waiting for her, how many times had he told her that she had all the time in the world… Jack had never expected anything from her other than what she could, would or was able to give (even with the obvious tensions between them, even when they were still painfully evident while she was with another man, even when he knew that she felt, wanted, needed and craved the same); whereas Pete wanted her bend and twist and jump through hoops just to prove her place his life.

Based on all that information, she had no choice but to end her relationship with Pete. As a scientist it was clear to her that she didn't have all the ingredients to make a stable reaction. She may have loved him, and he loved her, but she was not going to sacrifice any part of her just to be with someone. She was a strong and capable woman would didn't need a man to make her whole; she had never wanted that, never. And hell, if she seriously considered changing her life in any way for _Pete_ then she should turn around and go to Jack and try and tell him that she is willing, waiting and _his_.

She had been terrified that Pete would try and brush her off and tell her that it was only because of her Dad, but instead he had looked straight at her, looked right through her and told her " _I hope you get what you want."_

That hurt.

Her memories and feelings for Jack were as dangerous as the man himself, and they were not prepared to skulk away and hide in a convenient locked room because they were told to. Just because **he** did, why should they? Instead, they took up residence in the centre of her heart and her mind and her gut and refused to accept any argument to move them; in the same way that they had done when she realised that they were there in the first place.

Jonathan O'Neill ruined her, and no man can come close.

Everytime she looked at him, she wanted him. Not in a 'I need you to fuck me right now' kind of way (although, that was admittedly always on her mind); but in a more … well, everything kind of way.

She wanted _**everything**_ with him, and it went deeper than mutual attraction and lust. What she felt for him was as alive as she was, and the pain of wanting and deliberately trying like trying to stop breathing.

The man infuriated her beyond belief almost everyday, and sometimes she found herself asking _why?_ He was arrogant and ignorant, cocky and selfish and rude and brash and _so annoying_. And sometimes he'd speak with his mouth full.

And what made everything worse was that even then - even when she wanted to push him away, kick him in the balls and tell him he was an idiot - she _**wanted**_ him. Like a torrid, sickening cliched romance novel.

There was nothing for it; it didn't take her long to reach the conclusion that there was no way out of the situation, that she was stuck pining after her CO until something changed or one of them ran out of luck. The latter being more likely, of course.

She had told people before the funeral; not wanting to deal with something like that on a day about her dad. Teal'C had merely raised an eyebrow when she told him about ending things with the police officer. Daniel, however, had profusely apologised about Jacob and his not being here to at least give her a hug (with Sam brushing him away, "thank you, Daniel. I'm just honoured I got the privilege to get to know him before he died."), and pointedly asked her if there has been any reason for her ending things with Pete, with _that_ look in his eyes.

Sam had shied away - having known Daniel for so long, she recognised that look. Even now, he was more concerned with _feelings_ and _attitudes_ rather than _rules_ and _regulations_.

She didn't answer. Instead, muttering under her breath that it wasn't important right now, she grabbed her books and walked to her lab.

Only now, just a couple of days later, it felt like the most important thing. Her father had told her she still had time to have _everything_ she **wanted**. And she didn't want to let him down again. She didn't want to let herself down.

Sam frowned as she her mind ticked and whirred, she wasn't ready to give up on her career. She was very well aware that if she retired her commission, she could be with Jack in a second. But she didn't want that. She had never wanted that. She wanted to be _General_ Samantha Carter, the stars on **her** shoulders as **she** sat behind that very desk that Jack did right now. All her years of work were going to pay off. As ambitious and audacious as her father, she knew that she could do it. Jack knew too, and she was very sure that, just as her mind told her on Prometheus, he would never let her give up that dream for him.

So how could she still have her career and him?

Was it even possible to have her cake and eat it too? Even if they could somehow bend the rules (which she knew had some merit, but give their situation - just look at their history, for Christ's sake - she felt that they were incongruous), could she even make that decision anyway; her rational mind telling her that despite how she felt, she was an Air Force Colonel. The regulations were ingrained into her.

She had fought for this position for her whole life. Every brick that had built her reputation was strengthened by her commitment to the Air Force; it was _literally_ her life. She could never quite fathom how any version of her wouldn't have the itch to fly. That was what set her apart from every other Sam. She loved the Air Force as much as she did Jack and she was sure that being with him would amount to a cheating.

And hell, what did it matter if she could forget the rules… Jack had Ms Johnson now.

The phone ringing jolted her suddenly, the screwdriver lying next to her falling to the floor with a clatter. She huffed and placed the coffee mug carefully on the table, then she picked up the tool from the floor, scowling as the phone continued it's shrill sound.

"Carter."

"Not interrupting am I, Carter?" Jack's voice tickled in her ear.

It hadn't helped her much that every time she had been on base since her father's death, Jack had been checking up on her almost hourly; in person, by phone or even in a short email. If his figurative presence in her mind wasn't enough to remind her that she was hopelessly intoxicated by him, his voice and face and shoulders and -

"No sir, of course not. What's up?" she asked.

Damn it.

"General Hammond is here, Carter. Wants to see us both." The words came quickly and officially.

The smile dropped from her lips. "I'll be there right away."

She placed the phone back in it's cradle before brushing her hands over her front and turning sharply on her heel and out of the door.

As she made her way, she tried to figure out why General Hammond would visit them. Both herself and Jack had sent their reports to him about what had happened Earthside; that the gate had activated as they had predicted, that they had set and then deactivated the self-destruct after the threat just _disappeared_ and then Daniel had appeared. Teal'C and Bra'tac had also submitted reports and they had started organising supplies for the increasing number of Jaffa. She had seen him at the funeral the day before and there had been no sign that anything was wrong.

Her knuckles rapped softly on the door, checked her watch and grasped the handle, closing the door behind her as she acknowledged her CO standing on the wrong side of his desk.

"Sir."

"Colonel, you remember General Hammond." he smirked at her, his hand stretched to the man sitting.

"General, sir, good to see you."

Sam smiled warmly; the SGC felt a little emptier without him and while Jack was in fact the perfect replacement, she missed him.

"Samantha," Hammond started, a small smile on his lips. "Jack."

"Sir?" two voices chorused, cautious as to the General's familiar tone while in the base.

"This conversation is going to be off the record. Sort of. Take a seat, I'll explain."

\- tbc


	2. Well I Just Heard the News Today

Song - With Arms Wide Open, Creed

* * *

Easily, and without even a moment's thought, the three Air Force Officers fell into an old routine; a missed routine.

"Gotta say, George, it is good to see you back behind that desk."

He laughed, "well, I have missed it."

The room fell into a companionable silence; a soft smile playing on each of their lips.

"Before he died, Jacob gave you a letter to give to me." He addressed Sam.

Sam nodded, she remembered but she wasn't sure why it would be relevant. Her father had pressed the letter in her hands not long before the Tok'Ra had come, telling her to get it to his old friend as promptly as she could. He hadn't been able to make it to Colorado Spring before he died, despite his efforts.

"In the letter Jacob told me that there was a final request he had and that I needed to take letter to the President and Joint Chiefs. A matter that he and Selmak felt of great importance. He explained what it was and asked that should I agree, to go to the President and Joint Chiefs and give them the letter. If not, to shred it and forget it. You see, the request was that an exception be made to the fraternization rules in the Air Force. Please -" he firmly carried on in a strong breath, over concerned looks and quick denials.

"I know this is a difficult topic, but let me continue. It's been apparent for some time that you both feel something beyond being Commanding and Subordinate Officer, and it's something that I should have dealt with being your CO."

"Why didn't you, then?" Jack asked, his expression tight and his voice as hard as it had ever been directed at General Hammond. Not unexpected considering the topic and the timing of the conversation.

Jack hadn't felt this panicked in a while - he had known George Hammond for long enough to know that he was here with a proposal of sorts because why else would he show up after Jacob's funeral and summon them both in front of him? Which meant that everything that had been holding them back…

"We needed you. We still need you. And will do for a while to come yet. You two have performed yourselves with the utmost integrity and honour to the Air Force and the oaths that you took; aside from alien influences, there have been no incidents that have made me question your tenure in this Command. It wasn't hard to see the connection between the both of you and I kept a close eye; if there had been anything that I didn't think was appropriate, or at the very least explained, then one or neither of you would still be here."

He let his words sink in. Of course he had kept a close eye on them. They were his team, hell, they were the team and there was no way he was going to rip them apart over something that they could not control if there was no apparent reason to do so. The mandate was too important.

And, at the end of the day, George never wanted to punish either of them for falling in love.

As they sat in silence for a moment, he let his eye roam over the two officers in front of him. Jack looked tired (but he had done since taking this job) but alert; he sat straight and tight on the chair, and his eyes kept glancing to the side to get a look at his 2IC before turning back. George let a small smile pull his lips, he wasn't even sure if Jack knew he did that anymore. Every few moments for as long as he can remember, Jack has always looked to Sam, as if to reassure himself of her presence or to share a confused glance, amused smirk, concerned frown. He'd seen many looks, all of them, and he had watched them grow, silently.

Sam was looking pale in comparison. He had been in awe of her strength the day before - the day that Jacob had died, Jack had called him to let him know and George had called Sam straight away and they had cried together on the phone as they spoke of her father, and he had been surprised when she had told him that she had almost everything arranged and, thank you very much for the offer, but all he needed to do was be there. The whole day had been, in a bizarre way, perfect. She had honoured Jacob's life perfectly and there wasn't a thing that he could say went wrong, and the whole time she had been at Mark's side silently as she put her grief to one side and focused on him. She truly was incredible. But today, now, as they spoke of her father and her career and her love life, her eyes openly showing her fear and pain.

He leant forward and handed her the letter; hoping that the sight of his cursive scrawl would feel a little familiar.

"Your father once told you that fathers have dreams too, Sam. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy. He may have been a General of the United States Air Force, but he was your father and he couldn't stand the idea that you were holding yourself back from being happy because there was a rule standing in your way. He wanted you to have everything you ever dreamed of, Sam."

George's words hung in the air for a moment, Jack's mouth opening as if he was ready to say something before Sam's voice sounded first.

"He told me I was making the wrong choice with - he told me that I still had time to have everything I -" her voice cracked and she moved her eyes to look at George before standing up, her eyes bright with tears as they spilled helplessly from them.

"I don't understand why he had to interfere. He had made his point, why did he have to involve the President?"

"Samantha, -"

"No, this isn't fair. How could he think he could do this? How can he do this to me? To General O'Neill? Our reputations?! Look what happened after he found out about the cancer? He pulled strings to get me in to NASA and now? This?! Pulling strings and making deals with the President so I can - we can -" She fell back to the chair heavily, leaving the thought hanging.

It was too much, and too soon. And Christ, this was all just theoretical half an hour ago!

Jack looked to George, eyes wide and uncomfortable. He went to speak but was cut off by the elder man who held his hand up to stop him.

"He is your father, Sam. He wanted to help you." George sighed heavily, there was nothing more to be said.

He had been surprised by his old friend's request merely because he was sure that Jacob would never have approved; he was a strong, loyal and furiously proper General of the United States Air Force, it had been his life for so long that George never believed that he could have just disregarded any its practices. They had never spoken of the relationship between his 2IC and his old friend's daughter. Of course, George had never doubted that if Jacob had known what was between them, especially with Selmak's influence, and he had always been shocked that he never said anything about it. There had been no need for words in DC when they met; the glare that Jacob had shot George had been enough to let him know that he was not at all pleased with the man who was his daughter's boss, but as time went on, there was a real camaraderie between Jack and Jacob that was clear to see, a respect between them that went beyond a cordial relationship for the sake of the woman they both loved.

As the silence hung in the air, Jack made the decision to keep his mouth shut about the private moment he shared with his 2IC's father. It wasn't the right time, other things needed to be said first. Instead, he extended his little finger out in the space between them and caught hers, tightly holding it as he willed his heart to get out of his throat and back to his chest. Everything was clearly now out in the open, so he couldn't quite hold back a little physical contact. Sam looked over at him suddenly at the feeling with tired, surprised eyes and let a small curve affect her lips, before squeezing his finger and letting it drop.

Sam's breathing calmed slowly before a very small voice spoke. "So, what did the President say?"

Jack's eyes found her face again and he stared for a moment. She didn't even know that he wasn't with Kerry anymore and she had only just cremated her Dad… but, hey, never let it be said that Jack O'Neill didn't roll with the punches.

"The President was disappointed that your father never asked him directly; called him a coward. The Joint Chiefs were furious at first, well, not Maynard. They called me before them and I was prepared. I took 8 years of mission reports with me have been arguing them for two days."

"Argued, George?"

"They thought you must have been - well, for lack of a better phrase, carrying on while still serving together. It was their belief that there was a possibility that Jacob's death was just -" George signed, before his face twisted with disgust. "A convenient event that could garner sympathy and that any approval of such a request would be endorsing a blatant lack of disrespect to the Air Force and the United States."

"Greasy little - you know - " Jack started, smiling as he saw Carter's small grin and stopping quickly when he caught George's eye. As always, George's presence was a calming balm over Jack's somewhat aggressive condemnation when it came to politicians. His respect for his Commanding Officer had always been palpable, and it had not diminished with the hundreds of miles between them.

"I was called in by the President to present your record. He quite likes the both of you; thinks very highly of your abilities and your reputations."

"He sent someone to - to - shadow me." Jack almost spat the words from his lips.

"True. He did. President Hayes is not a man who will just willingly trust because of a recommendation; and since taking on Command of this base, you have proved you're more than just a capable man out in the field, Jack. He and Maynard both agreed with me as I argued that Air Force regulations clearly have their place and we cannot merely just pick and choose which rules we'll follow, but we had both accepted that we can't merely assume that the work that goes on here is anything other than extraordinary, and as such, maybe we cannot just copy and paste regulations onto things we do not understand.

After almost a decade of this operation it is clear that the relationships, dynamics and general attitudes of the SGC need something more than Air Force regulations to govern them. We've already got a dozen or so Standing Orders that are in place here because the nature of our work demanded further guidelines and clarifications. We need to accept that maybe we do not know best in this circumstance; it is unlike any other presented to the Air Force. In no other command would we discuss this - you would have been separated years ago and that would be it. The second I saw you look at each other the way you do, you'd have been reassigned."

A moment of silence passed, again, this time calmer than the last as Sam and Jack waited. They both understood he was right; it had been incredible that they had been able to serve in the same team for so long without some kind of investigation, or god forbid courts-martial, especially with the corruption of Kinsey and the NID and all their cohorts.

"Jacob made it clear in his letter that he thought you both were stronger, smarter and more courageous officers than he had ever been or had served with and he believed that because of that you could become a whatever you want within the Air Force and even outside of it. Your priority is your service to your country, hell this planet. He argued that both of you were too proud of your careers and of your work that you would jeopardise it for each other. After arguing your worth as officers in the letter, he then asked whether the President and the Joint Chiefs would stand and serve their country as diligently as you both have, all the while knowing the person they are in love with is standing next to them, and they cannot tell them or protect them or even be with them."

"Hell, Jacob did?" Jack scoffed, still not quite believing the man's audacity. His eyebrows had now taken up residence at halfway up his forehead and Jack found himself thinking, not for the first time, that maybe should have gotten to know Jacob a little more.

Sam closed her eyes and shook her head, a sad smile gracing her lips as she listened. Her eyes were scanning over the letter that George had passed her, eagerly cataloging each curve and line; mapping out the smudges and the mistakes. Her father had always had neat penmanship, and this was no exception; everything was perfect and neat, the mistakes barely noticeable in the script with their neat lines through the middle. Her thumb traced over her name in Jacob's scrawl as she looked at the man behind the desk.

"I gather they said no?"

"They're not happy, at all, but they got the message with a little bit of persuasion from Maynard and myself. The President decided that, in this set of circumstances, Air Force regulations are a hinderance to the overall smooth running and execution of this Command."

Jack sat forward, his eyes wide, "George, now what are you saying here?"


	3. If they find out, will it all go wrong?

Friends - Ed Sheeran

AN: I really keep superimposing Sam and Jack onto love songs as I walk to work… so much so that these songs actually compose my Sam/Jack playlist. A frequent theme in many Sam/Jack fics is the idea that they aren't - well, more like couldn't be - friends.. and this song really fits. In my opinion, anyway.

 _Then again, if we're not friends, someone else might love you too._

 _My friends will never love me like you._

* * *

Both of the other occupants looked at Jack, his voice very calm and controlled, his fingers curled around the arms of the chair; Sam could tell that this was getting to him, her heart was in her throat and her head was spinning. George had never seen Jack so nervous.

"You are both too important, and you both deserve recognition of that fact. There isn't a lot we can do about the Chain of Command. This programme needs you, and you both know that. Neither one of you could retire your Air Force commission and work as a civilian; I know Ms Johnson suggested it, Jack -"

Sam quickly glanced at Jack, this was news she hadn't heard. He matched her gaze steadily for a second (Later, Carter. I promise) before turning back to George and motioning him to continue.

"Therefore, taking into account certain caveats, the two of you are not bound by the non-fraternisation regulation. It isn't ideal, of course, but should your conduct continue to be at the level it has been for the past eight years, the President feels there is no conflict of interests; you both know that when it comes down to it, the planet comes first; hell, he was proud that you both have on various occasions made and carried out orders that could be fatal with a fierce understanding of your duties and the expectations you have to fulfill. That's enough for him. And I will regularly check over your conduct and report to the President and Joint Chiefs; should it appear that your personal relationship is detrimental to this Command or to each other, options will be discussed and changes will be made."

Sam was glued to her seat, she couldn't get her brain to close her eyes but she was pretty sure she looked like an idiot, just staring at her godfather blankly.

"You mean, Dad - he - " Sam started before looking back at the letter and up at George, "He really did it?"

"He did." George smiled widely as he passed two envelopes across the table. "These are - well, I guess conditions that apply. I leave you to look over those, maybe not on base, though. Technically you aren't to be told this until your promotion, Jack."

Sam's eyes finally slipped the length of the room and found Jack's again and she felt like she had been sucker punched in the gut as her breath caught; she had never seen him look so hopeful. She had thought that he had Ms Johnson had a relationship? She had disturbed them the other day and Ms Johnson had certainly seemed comfortable in the General's home, Daniel had mentioned seeing them awfully close not long before he had disappeared, which was going back some time now; so why would he look this hopeful if he he was already spoken for. Was he not? Sam felt a little panicked and excited and it felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Sir?" Jack asked, interest piqued. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, but, didn't I just get promoted?"

George laughed and it startled Sam slightly, and her cheeks flushed as she urged everything in her to calm. the. hell. down.

"You did, son. There's still a small bit of work to be done to establish the Department before I hand over the reigns to you, though." A small smile played on his lips.

"Oh hell, no. Sir! Me? In Washington? You have gotta be kidding." Jack exclaimed, forgetting that it was an off the record conversation for a moment and addressing the other man as his CO.

Sam openly laughed at Jack's indignation, "is that wise?"

"They're more scared of Jack than he is of them, I can assure you. From the minute the Department of Homeworld Security was born, it was always to be yours, Jack. All I'm doing is setting it up; if there is anyone who was born for this job, it's you. And it'll be yours in around two months. I hope."

Jack felt himself pale at the thought, "but, sir -"

George laughed again, throwing his head back a fraction, "Jack, there is no other likely candidate for the job and there never was. Your attitude to Washington is exactly why we need you. Who else will fight for, defend and help evolve our vision here, Jack? And I'll still be around DC, the President won't let me retire just yet."

Jack rolled his lips between his teeth, sucking in a small breath of air through his teeth as they fell. He felt his face fall into a resigned scowl, of course he knew that his CO was right. He was sure that, once in position, he could make some changes to benefit this Command, but he was an Air Force Officer, he was no politician.

"So we get to - yeah," he gestured between Sam and himself, smiling slightly at the blush the travelled up her neck, "but I'm going to be stuck in clothes I abhor, in an office I'll hate even more, working with politicians?"

"You're still needed here for the time being; just to tie up the loose ends with what has just happened. Once I've done all I can you'll take my position and then, well, from then on the issue of the Chain of Command won't be as pressing and I'll still be able to keep an eye on you both. The Joint Chiefs are reluctantly allowing this to happen, and they are not about to set a precedent that just because we deal with outer space, the rules don't apply, so you've got to be careful about how you behave. More so than before, we need to be united with the Administration this country has elected. You understand?" George's voice had slowly become more business-like towards the end, his many years of service clearly seeping through into the 'off the record' discussion.

Jack and Sam nodded together, "of course, sir."

George smiled as he pushed the chair back and stood, taking in his two subordinate officers as they rose with him, "I'll be around for a few days in case you have any questions."

"Thank you." Sam said ever so quietly, her words heavy with unadulterated emotion, walking around to him and taking him into hug. "If you didn't, well, I mean-. You could have thrown my father's letter away."

The smile the played on George's lips was nostalgic, "Samantha, I made a promise to your mother and to your father after Mark was born that I would protect, watch over and love you both as if you were my own. That, should the time come, I would do whatever I could to make sure you were as safe as you can be, as loved as you can be and as happy as you can be if they couldn't ensure it themselves. I merely did that, nothing more."

The sob that fell from her lips surprised her and she couldn't help the way her hands shook as she pressed a kiss to her godfather's check, "thank you."

Sam barely registered her godfather's departure. She vaguely heard Jack mutter his own empathic thank you as he took George's hand in a firm shake, she thought she heard him reply with "look after her" before saying he was going downstairs to see everyone, but nothing registered, the only thing that did were the words of her father.

 _If not for Samantha and Jack, we would not be alive to debate this. Without their unwavering resolve to repeatedly put their lives at risk for this planet; to go above and beyond the call of duty to protect the population of this planet when those in power were too spineless to make the call or corrupt to know they were wrong, we would not have had the past eight years of life. They are literal heroes. The stuff we read as kids in comic books, that kids today see on the big screen. Real. Life. Heroes. What's the worst that can happen if you let them be a couple? The end of the world? I'm sure I don't need to tell you how ridiculous that is. Nor how qualified they both are to make sure that doesn't happen._

Jack stood at the door; the one by the briefing-room, watching in the corner of his eye his CO enthusiastically greeting the SFs stationed there before taking the steps to the control room. He silently adjusted the blinds before turning to his 2IC, he felt a lurch in his stomach as he did, and his eyes eagerly drank the sight before him; he could look at her now.

The mere thought made his stomach jump, again and he smiled at the feeling; after all this time and everything that had happened, that this could really be a possibility; and her father had made it so. The man that had glared at Jack with all the hatred he could muster just for being her boss when they first met.

Her eyes were staring at the letter covered in her father's writing, sweeping over as she read with one hand fisted at her side, her bottom lip was caught between her teeth, a small curl at its corner and a tear running down her cheek.

"He thought we were heroes."

His eyes slowly closed in relief at the smile in her voice, the happiness in every syllable, and he let out a breath that didn't know he was holding. With more courage than he felt, he moved from the door and quickly caught the tear before he thought better of it, cradling her cheek in his palm as he did. Her arm dropped to her side tightly gripping the paper and her eyes slipped closed, the smile tugging at the corners of her lips easily turned into that small, happy smile that he loved as she took a step closer to him and pressed her face into his hand.

The movement of her facial muscles tickled his palm and he laughed softly, "you are."

Her eyes opened with his voice, those beautiful sky blue eyes, shining.

"We are."

"Lost count how many time we've saved the world, Carter." His smile tentative as he looked at her. He let his hand drop before taking a step back.

"So we should -"

"I'm sorry-"

As if reminded of where they were, Sam and Jack spoke over each other before letting out amused breaths, taking their seats again.

Jack could have sat in his chair, Sam absently thought, but instead he sat in the chair he had occupied moments before, turning it to look at her.

"How you doing, Carter?" his voice was soft, caring and that lovely tone that she had always loved.

"Sir?"

Jack's eyes danced for a moment, "I didn't have time to check on you before Hammond got here; I want to know how you're holding up."

"Oh." Sam took a breath and looked at her hands,away from Jack. "Honestly?" she hesitated.

Jack couldn't help the concerned frown, "Carter?"

Irrespective of what had just happened, she had still lost her father and he had been concerned since he had taken her home after Jacob's death. He had stayed as she called Mark and made arrangements for him to stay. He sat on her sofa that night and held a measure of whiskey to the ceiling with her, "to Jacob Carter". He wasn't ashamed to admit that he had shed a tear on that night, and at the funeral. Jacob had been a formidable pain in the ass, but he really liked him. He had taken his leave not long after their toast, excusing himself awkwardly as she began the funeral preparation with a determination that made him proud right down to his toes. They'd hardly had any time to really talk since, and everytime he had asked how she was, she brushed him off and said "keeping busy".

"Sam?" he tried again, reaching to tilt her chin to meet her eyes. He wasn't going to push, he just need her to know he was there.

"I'm sorry. I -" She started, then took a breath tightening her hands into fists as she stared at his eyes.

"I really miss him. I can't believe he's gone. But all I can think is that I ended things with Pete."

Jack nodded in reply; as things had always been, Jack put the ball in her court, he wouldn't make any decisions, wouldn't make any moves, he would just wait for her. Daniel had mentioned it to him after breathlessly when he had found out. He had run from the commissary to his office with the sole intention of telling him that his 2IC had dumped her fiance. Daniel had told him to tell her about Kerry, but Jack had been more annoyed that Daniel had known that himself and promptly told him to go and translate some junk, Daniel in his leave me alone snap.

"And you're not with Ms Johnson anymore." Sam said less confidently, biting her lip as she finished.

He had meant to tell her. Really. Slowly Jack shook his head to agree, "no."

Sam nodded, letting her eyes drop back to the page of her father's writing, "but do we have any right? Can we - I mean -" her eyes went back to his again.

Suddenly, the idea of them not actually running out of luck, but suddenly getting a windfall was frightening to her. The thoughts that had been running through her head while she was in the lab shot to the front of her skull. Yes, they were free to do whatever they wanted; but at what cost? Could they? Really? Could she, knowing how much the Air Force meant to her, could she just ignore everything she had been taught, just because the Commander in Chief was friends with her Dad?

Loving Jack had never been easy, but had happened without a second thought and that was fine by her (now, at least)... but this…

The look in his eyes told her that he knew what she had been building up to; hell, he probably figured it out minutes ago and instead of those guarded chestnut coloured eyes she was used to seeing, his eyes shone with understanding.

"Carter, we have every right." His voice was deep and throaty and he quickly coughed softly, his eyes scanned over her face and he felt, for a moment, that he might drown.

"Jacob told me before he died that he never thought I was a coward." Jack said quickly.

Sam sat watching him; the burst of anger in her heart at her father quickly quashed by her common sense, if Jacob had spoke to her, George and the President, he had to have spoken to Jack. A coward, though, she frowned; never a coward, not Jack O'Neill.

"He told me that with all the stuff I've done, telling a woman how I feel should be a walk in the park. That squaring up to Goa'uld and threatening Politicians and aliens alike, I should be able to walk up to the President and ask him to disregard the rules. He wanted to know why I was being such a coward and letting you be miserable."

"It was my decis-"

Jack interrupted, "aah! ahh! I know that, Carter."

Jack stood and took a breath, pacing around the small room for a moment; the conversation with Jacob had been the first time he had said certain things and it was to her father not her, and it made him feel uneasy.

Turning back to her, "The thing is, Carter, I - it's no secret how we feel - right?" he looked at her expectantly.

Sam's breath lodged in her throat and she looked at him, "sir?"

He answered with a soft and easy smile as he took his seat next to her again and really looked at her; like he had after the time loop when in a blink of an eye she was across from him; all blonde hair, blue eyes and those soft lips. "Carter -"

The door rattled in its frame with a curt knock.

Jack growled and walked to the door, throwing it open. "Ah, Walter -"

"Sorry sir, ma'am. General Hammond wanted me to tell you that he'll take over things here if you want - it's eighteen thirty hours, so there is little to do before you leave anyway, he said, sir." Water hurriedly addressed his commanding officer; always wary of interrupting him for longer than was absolutely necessary. After eight years, Walter knew how to read Jack O'Neill, and that growl was not a good growl.

Jack's eyebrows had reached his hairline by the time he turned to glance at the office's other occupant.

"What do you say, grab the guys and a couple of drinks, maybe some steak, Carter?"

"Of course, sir. Sounds good." Her reply was soft and a little distracted, but he turned to Walter and nodded his thanks.

"Get in touch with Teal'C and Daniel, tell 'em to meet us top-side, sergent."

"Yessir!"

He turned back to Sam, and urged her to look at him with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Come to my house tonight, we'll talk."

He spoke so softly that she almost didn't hear him, but the inflection in his voice made her heart flutter, and goddamnit that was annoying, he was asking her… almost pleading.

"Yessir. I mean, yes, yeah."


End file.
